They went upstairs so I followed at a discreet distance.

A man came in a big van, took me inside and did unspeakable things - like washing me. I wasn’t even dirty.

This is just another form of torture.

This negativity seems a bit unfair on my human beans who I do feel are genuinely doing their best for me

“The Banks died when the boat turned over when the river flooded”

Now, I overhear that they are planning to repeat this disgraceful act.

Can we just roll back a bit, please? Let’s get things in perspective.

Someone rang and was clearly trying to sell something - something they didn’t want.

I now have to manage sets of relationships that are quite complex. It’s a good job I’m such an intelligent, empathetic, caring dog.

I have been my usual non-communicative and non-cooperative self but they have continued to feed me and try to take me for walks.

I’ve been through my full repertoire of moping, sulking and looking pathetic … but with no results.

I have tried putting these things together but all I get is a weird dream and brain hurt.